After snatching pole off Sebastian Vettel on Saturday, Mark Webber ended up handing his first place spot to Lewis Hamilton and ceding second to Fernando Alonso at the German Grand Prix. While it was nice to see a change of personnel at the top of the podium, it can’t have been the result Webber was after. Following discussions at Damonik Towers, we may have hit upon the problem.
Mark needs to sort out his endorsements. Take this ad for Swisse Multivitamins. We see him running with his dogs, working out and admiring his trophies overlaid with the most dismal piano instrumental ever. We’ve heard more uplifting things on hold to Telstra. How he didn’t leap straight into the canal, a la Virginia Wolf, we’ll never know. Given that the purpose of the campaign is, presumably, to convey the revitalising benefits of taking vitamins the whole tone seems rather downbeat. You’ll feel better on Swisse? Really? Not like cutting yourself or anything? Sure?
Speculation is that Webber accidentally got shipped a gratis crate of Women’s Swisse, explaining his struggle to find the same form this year but we know the truth. It’s that damn ivory tinkling. Still, things could be worse. It could be the Canberra milk ad.
Nonetheless, at Damonik Towers we feel that a change of sponsorship could be just the tonic. Here are some better suggestions to consider:
Health insurance: Mark’s propensity for falling off bikes and such would make this a sensible and practical choice.
Shaving paraphernalia: Given that the man seems to have a five o’clock shadow by midday, he shouldn’t have any trouble demonstrating how to use foam or razors.
Weber BBQs: Okay, someone will need a slight name change but they are a quintessentially Aussie product.