After snatching pole off Sebastian Vettel on Saturday, Mark Webber ended up handing his first place spot to Lewis Hamilton and ceding second to Fernando Alonso at the German Grand Prix.  While it was nice to see a change of personnel at the top of the podium, it can’t have been the result Webber was after. Following discussions at Damonik Towers, we may have hit upon the problem.

Mark needs to sort out his endorsements. Take this ad for Swisse Multivitamins. We see him running with his dogs, working out and admiring his trophies overlaid with the most dismal piano instrumental ever. We’ve heard more uplifting things on hold to Telstra. How he didn’t leap straight into the canal, a la Virginia Wolf, we’ll never know. Given that the purpose of the campaign is, presumably, to convey the revitalising benefits of taking vitamins the whole tone seems rather downbeat. You’ll feel better on Swisse? Really? Not like cutting yourself or anything? Sure?

Speculation is that Webber accidentally got shipped a gratis crate of Women’s Swisse, explaining his struggle to find the same form this year but we know the truth. It’s that damn ivory tinkling. Still, things could be worse. It could be the Canberra milk ad.

Nonetheless, at Damonik Towers we feel that a change of sponsorship could be just the tonic.  Here are some better suggestions to consider:

Health insurance: Mark’s propensity for falling off bikes and such would make this a sensible and practical choice.

Shaving paraphernalia: Given that the man seems to have a five o’clock shadow by midday, he shouldn’t have any trouble demonstrating how to use foam or razors.

Weber BBQs: Okay, someone will need a slight name change but they are a quintessentially Aussie product.

In this recent Top Gear interview Sebastian Vettel discusses his love of Monty Python, Nigel Mansell impersonations and his youthful struggles with Number Ones. We’re just as surprised as you.

Sebastian makes funny on Top Gear

“Help me Sebastian, you’re my only hope.”

News out of Monaco reveals that Princess Charlene made at least three attempts to flee the principality prior to her weekend wedding to Prince Albert, including one during the Monaco GP. Unfortunately she chose a Hispania as her getaway car which conked out 500m from the French border. Her frantic call to roadside assist alerted the authorities and well, the rest you know. Her panic is evident during the Grand Prix presentation ceremony where she tries to convince a jubilant Sebastian Vettel to bust her from the Royal Palace later that evening. Sadly, he was too busy polishing his trophy and failed to show. Sorry Princess.

“”Oh, Sebastian, it’s not like that at all, ” whispered the princess. “He’s my brother.”

Things have been a little slack here at Damonik Towers and DT’s position as Damonik principal is currently under review. So in the meantime, enjoy learning more about the world of Formula One.

#1 Drivers’ championship points may also be redeemed for a range of goods and services. Last year Sebastian Vettel used his Formula One Rewards points to get a Breville sandwich maker; in 2011 he’s hoping to get the Sunbeam blender. F1 veteran Rubens Barrichello has almost earned 2 x free return flights to Malaga. Hang in there, Rubens!

#2 During his injury induced sabbatical, Felipe Massa competed on the Brazilian version of MasterChef hosted by Gisele Bundchen. He came third after a choux pastry mishap.

#3 All F1 lollipop men are recruited from a specialist breeding program. The lollipops are surgically grafted on at age 5.

#4 Since moving to Guernsey, Jensen Button has started his own Channel Islands ferry service. He is also licensed to perform weddings at sea. Bookings for 2012 are now open.

#5 Christian Horner is actually a direct descendant of Little Jack Horner who not only inspired the eponymous nursery rhyme but also ran a rum smuggling ring.