Welcome to 2013.
Lost in Adelaide
Hot on the heels of a fresh F1 season, the DNC Newsmobile arrived in Adelaide yesterday, only to discover that interest in the sport appears to have completely dried up.
“The circuit was a bit of an arse to locate, to be honest,” said DNC’s Damon Torsten. “It wasn’t even signposted. From ANYWHERE. And there were none of usual hallmarks you’d expect to find at a Grand Prix, such as banners, grandstands, spectators, racing cars … or people.”
“However,” added Torsten, “I did hear a distant aeroplane engine at one point. I think it may have been one of the RAAF Roulettes on their way.”
During its ’80s and ’90s golden era, the South Australian event attracted a crowd often in excess of 500,000 over the four-days, witnessing some of the greatest spectacles ever staged on wheels.
But we live in frugal times and DNC News is sad to report that global interest in the sport is clearly on the wane. This weekend, a mere four local motoring enthusiasts and a pair or Irish Setters were spotted in Victoria Park, the latter possibly there solely for special St Patrick’s Day walkies.
But it wasn’t all bad news for the sport, Damon divulged.
“On the plus side, we could park pretty much anywhere we wanted, so you have to hand it to the Australians in terms of putting together an event that’s stress-free for the punters. We just ditched the car literally on the side of the Brabham Straight and set up our picnic there. Hopefully the marshals will be cool with that … not that I’ve seen any as yet … but we should have an ace view once the race gets underway. ”
“They’re really cutting it fine if they want to squeeze qualifying in before dusk,” Torsten mused.
At 3.00pm on Sunday, Damonik News reports that there is still no visible action at the track, but we will continue to keep you posted with events as they unfold.
In further developments, DNC’s proposed trip to the Koala Lumpur Sanctuary to report on next weekend’s F1 round is currently under review, re: general justification in going/high petrol expenses/wildlife sanctuaries usually being a bit tacky and disappointing.
The increasingly crustified latter-day statesman of vintage rock, Mr Lennington “Leonard” Kravitz will be appearing live on stage, performing a medley of his biggest hit at the Australian Grand Prix this year.
Kravitz, 68, is perhaps best known in F1 circles for being the father of pit-lane reporter Theodore Leonard “Ted” Kravitz, who was named after the unsuccessful 1970/1980s F1 team Leonard Kravitz Racing.
It is unclear whether or not Kravitz Snr will be bringing his marmoset with him to the concert.
Regardless, a Blarney good time is guaranteed for all, with Irish hardcore outfit The Cranberries also scheduled to appear at the event (performing their popular song Lingonberry, no doubt), alongside everyone’s favourite political folk activists from County Dublin, The Wolfe Mother.
The F2012, Ferrari’s latest F1 challenger has been officially unveiled.
It is not much cop. Though, to be fair, Volvo’s design team did the best they could, given the brief.
The team’s new second driver, the young Egyptian King Zoser, says that he expects the car to provide “a step in the right direction.”